Finding a Good Therapist
“They didn’t make me feel comfortable.”
“They didn’t give any input into my situation or tell me what I should do.”
“All they did was get me to do breathing exercises.”
These are just a few of the complaints I’ve heard this month from friends and family about their experiences with therapy.
We all experience suffering, and have seasons we need help navigating life’s challenges. While professional support is valuable, the reality is that emotional growth is difficult, and finding a good counsellor or psychologist can be just as challenging. It’s hard to know who to see, what to expect, or even what makes a therapist a good fit.
I am going to share three tips that I hope proves helpful for finding a good therapist and having a fruitful therapeutic experience.
1. Know What You Need
Many of us show up to our first therapy session completely blind. I know I did the first time I went to counselling. I rocked up with the mentality of ‘alright fix me.’ Therapists are trained to understand the development and functioning of the mind, so surely they should be able to navigate the complexities of my inner world, right? But I quickly became frustrated because my expectations weren’t being met, and I didn’t know how to communicate what I needed.
Through my training as a counsellor, I had the privilege of learning from gifted therapists and witnessing deep therapeutic work firsthand. I discovered that each therapist has a preferred modality, and as I trained in different methods, I found that some resonated with me while others didn’t—even if they were well-researched and proven. Some aligned with my faith and spirituality, while others were based on theories that conflicted with my beliefs.
The counsellors I have found to be the most helpful are the ones who work with modalities that I understand and believe in. There are a couple of different paths you could go down. If you’re looking for practical strategies and behavioural change, a top-down approach might work best. These include behavioural therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). From a faith perspective, I find ACT particularly helpful because it acknowledges that suffering is part of life and focuses on developing psychological flexibility rather than eliminating pain.
If you want to dig deeper into your emotions, uncover core wounds, and work through deeply held beliefs, a bottom-up approach may be more suitable. These therapies focus on bringing unconscious beliefs and narratives to the surface to address underlying issues. Examples include Internal Family Systems (IFS), Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), Attachment-Based Therapy, and Trauma-Informed Care.
Regardless of which approach resonates with you, it’s helpful to communicate your needs to your therapist. You’re allowed to ask questions.
2. The Therapeutic Relationship Matters
Therapy isn’t something you can rush. It requires sitting in the uncomfortable in-between for longer than you’d like. Unpacking long-held beliefs and reshaping your emotional health is deep work that takes time. To do this, you need someone who is trustworthy and safe. The difficulty many of us have is we don’t know what that person looks like because trust and safety takes time to build.
If you walk into a session and don’t feel settled at all, you may need to try a different therapist until you find one that feels like a better fit. Think of it like finding a good GP—some doctors get the job done, while others make you feel truly cared for. It’s worth taking the time to find a therapist who understands you and creates a safe space for growth. This may take a few attempts, and that’s okay.
After each session, take note of your experience. Did the therapist help you feel at ease? Did they ask for feedback about the session? Did they offer insights into your situation and provide a roadmap for future sessions? These small indicators can help you determine if you’ve found the right fit.
Once you find someone you believe you can trust, that is where the journey begins. Give the therapist some time. It normally takes at least three or four sessions before a therapist has built enough trust to draw something out or touch on a deeply significant issue. Time is ok and necessary with the right person.
3. Get a Trustworthy Referral and Know What to Expect
The truth is, there are a lot of bad therapists out there—just like there are bad baristas, doctors, electricians, and accountants. But when you find someone who is skilled and compassionate, it makes all the difference.
If you’re searching online for a therapist, start by ensuring they are registered with professional associations such as PACFA, AHPRA, or the CCAA (Christian Counsellors Association of Australia). These organisations help regulate the profession and uphold ethical standards. Additionally, check what types of therapy they specialise in and look for practitioners trained in modalities that align with your needs (such as IFS, EFT, or trauma-informed approaches).
Taking the step to call, book an appointment, and attend therapy can feel daunting. But I truly believe seeking a gifted and trained professional is worth it. Counselling is a beautiful gift that allows someone to walk alongside you in this process of healing and change. There are many trained and wonderful therapists who are ready to help care for you as you take steps towards emotional health.
Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or need help getting pointed in the right direction. May this year be marked by significant growth, healing and change for your heart.
